I'm BlitzenAngel on

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meh...i am so very boreeeeed, i have nothing at all to do since my parents are renovating (not even TV!!) and the entire experience has left me all hormonal (no, not like that!) like a pregnant woman and pissed. It bites.

Sucks for me, huh? On top of everything, I don't even feel like typing. So there.

On the other hand, I saw simargl_wings' journal the other day (that's code for yesterday) and, not surprisingly, I loved it. As usual, it always has something interesting on it. I prolly should've dropped a line, but my internet was once again running slow, so I left it for another day.

I left my last entry with a bunch of crap on it. Oh well. I wish I could get around to fixing my journal, for whateverthehell has happened to it needs to un-happen soon or I'm gonna flip. Or snap. Whichever.

As a lasting note, I love Reno & Zack. They are teh awesome. I'm also gonna see if I can get back into Fullmetal Alchemist, cuz it is really kool but I don't ever seem to find any time to devote to it (or anything else for that matter). Study-leave for my final exams starts May 9th (far as I know) and I'm finding less and less time for myself and my obsessions hobbies. Again, this sucks. But alas, I will not giveth upith hopeth. They'll be over soon enough. I've already had my last and final art exam (which was hated in every sense of the word) and my Spanish oral is on May 6th, so it's actually a bit before leave. I am seriously fearing my History exam, and maybe a tiny bit my English...but other than that, I'm all good. I've never really fretted about tests or exams or anything much before, so I'm not gonna start now. Methinks I might've failed me art exam, btw. I didn't finish. Oh well. Screw dat.

Haha. It's Felicia's birthday on May 6th. Everybody had some kind of odd amusement and fun out of asking her if she enjoyed having an exam for a present. She said it didn't matter cuz she got Batabano on her birthday as well... everybody kinda shut up after that. I personally kept laughing. LOL it still tickles me.

Anywhoos, I'm done typing now; not having a desk can be a bit painful when you're on a laptop the size of a toy poodle. ?? scratch that. it was really dumb. rly.

:P adios.

Hee... I cut my hair! Not extremely short, just...shorter. Hoo-hoo. *happy feeling*

I feel really giddy. And my writing prolly reflects that of a 4-year old on a sugar high. In short, I prolly sound like a dummy :P.
Oh well.


Anywhoos, I'm gonna write about the characters I created for my novel(/anime/CG-movie/somethingnotsure), Eternal Mustang. I've planned for...uhh...a prequel, and a main canon piece...and a...a sequel...that's all so far. Ah well.

So, on with the characs!

Or..maybe I should start with a summary-kinda-thing. Funny, I actually had the titles but...yea forgot those. This whole series actually came to me in a dream and after that it was all downhill; I couldn't get this story out of my head, I dream of the characters all the time, my life revolved around this til I thought I might've snapped. 

But I love them. This. It. All.

Everything.

First off, let's start with the names of the different titles in the series.

The main canon piece- Eternal Mustang.
The prequel- Eternal Mustang: The War Before.
The sequel (well, it's more like a second canon piece, not sure)- Eternal Mustang: Return of the Clans. (ok, obviously I'm not sure about that one- it's cheesy.)
 
--return of their fire

I don't remember much else. I'll have to dig through old papers and stuff, see if I wrote it down anywhere.

Now for a summary (of the main canon, not the other two)

meh...where to start? I haven't any real formal sort of summary, soo....
Well, it revolves around 4 boys & the people they meet, their journeys through life, and committing themselves to finding all that they've lost. I pinpoint Valon as the main main character, (mostly because he's the one that first came to me) but there are plenty of other main characters as well.

And obviously, now we can go on with the characters! 
(Note to self: these details are in accordance with the main canon piece.)

Valon Mustang, Age 18: Our wonderful, beloved main character, Valon is a Leuitenant Colonel serving directly under the fuhrer (his older brother, Roy). Charismatic, self-confident and extremely handesome to boot, Valon is probably one of the most likable-yet-unlikable people you'll ever meet. If you can see beyond his sometimes rude exterior, biting words and oft-times tendency to extreme bordering on insane  violence, you'll see the young man that is fiercely protective, a total heartthrob, loving, caring, devoted, honest and trustworthy; you'll see the kind Valon behind the rugged Leuitenant Colonel's mask. He is incredibly dedicated to his family and friends, and in fact, anyone he views as part of his 'pack'- a trait inherited from his wolf soul-truse. Valon has a strong sense of justice but sometimes chooses to ignore it in order to follow his own Machiavellian mentalities. Relationships: Has a very close kinsman relationship with Leon, though they are still each other's rival; he, along with Rafael, Myles and Alister are Valon's best friends and he has a very dependent status with Rafael. Considers Roy as a kind of patriarch, though he has never gone so far as to adopt him as a father-like figure. Additionally, although he is very loyal to him, Valon never fails to remind anyone that Roy wouldn't be fuhrer without his aid. Valon considers William his greatest hate and vows to never forgive him for his deeds. Thinks Jassa is the most beautiful girl he's ever met, and he's not just saying that based on her looks.

Biggest quirk: Both swoon-inducing and fear-inducing; the problem is that no one is ever entirely sure how or when to differentiate between the two.

Alister Mustang, Age 17 (and a half): The young, adorable Al is one character that even the pickiest can appreciate. Roy's First Leuitenant is very friendly, sweet, an excellent conversationalist, outgoing yet he knows when he's gone too far (though he usually never does), and overall your general 'nice guy'. Beneath his lighter-built frame, he is an admirably strong person, as he still struggles with the death of his younger brother Mikey; the fact that he is almost never seen without a smile on his face reflects his inner strength. Has a light, teasing sense of humour, and an almost soft-looking exterior. Alister is much more mellow than his older cousin Valon. He is often misconcepted as rowdy because of the audacious red colouring of his hair, which is natural. Alister is the fastest in the entire clan, having the ability to move faster than the eye can see, and there is no one (even outside the clan) that can rival his speed. Al sometimes has a tendency to doubt his attitude to others, as well as thinking himself unworthy of even living because he blames himself for his brother's death. Relationships: Although Leon (and the rest of the Jaden Clan) is actually Al's branch, he shows no particular interest in the fact other than reasonable acknowledgement. He is very close to Arianna, as well as her older sister Kira. He tends to group off with Myles whereas Valon goes with Rafael. 

Biggest quirk: Occasionally, Alister kisses people for the hell of it. Which very often can earn him either a punch to the face or an affectionate slap to the behind- he usually doesn't mind either one since he has no problem running away (though Valon said he crossed the line when he kissed him).

Rafael Czarinha, Age 18:  

...that's all in this entry. I'm just gonna post this before something goes wrong with my laptop and I lose all of it. =] out!

Confusion... is a bitch. It really is. Especially when you actually know what you want to write but have no idea how to go about starting. Also of further bitchiness, is that I don't quite understand why LJ would describe any writer as going through 'writer's block' when they haven't written in a week. I can understand like, a month or something but honestly...what if we were busy or something? I personally can't write anytime I feel like it due to my internet connection being as fast as a bottle of ketchup. Heh. The connection is appropriately named 'Mr. Asshat'. And the third thorn in my side of all bitchiness is that I have so much to write about but for some reason, it won't write itself, well...We'll see.

I'm so wonderfully glad that I finally understand what my English teach was talking about when she was lecturing us on our 'inner narrative voice'. It's an interesting threory really, that you can hear a voice in your head that makes your mind do a 'click' and you suddenly realise you're thinking like a Rowling or a Joyce. ::Yes, I'm well-read; no, this usually isn't reflected in my writing:: 

...And then just as that thought enters your mind, the voice leaves you there, wondering when it'll visit you again, or if somehow there'll come a time in your life when that inner narrative form of speech will always be with you. Would it be different, then? Would you realise that years ago, or months or however long it takes, that you once had to search for this absolution, certainty in your inner monologue, yet now you don't even acknowledge its presence? Huh. I suppose there's a reason that most successful authors are either older, and/or more mentally mature to some retrospect. Makes sense. They've gone through various stages of self-discovery, from what I can gather.

It's quite sad though, that even though I do understand this concept, my own 'inner narrative' often deserts me- if I even find it some days. The times I'm sure of its existence are often few and far between, but I think that with more practice and effort, I'll get the hang of my own literary style as I continue forward, detailing my own works as I diligently learn from other people's work to mould and form mine.

I'm trying to keep this all in mind as I take on the very difficult job of writing a fic. Difficult?  To write a story? For me, as one helluva perfectionist, this is indeed quite an endeavour. For many reasons, I feel compelled to write to the absolute best of my ability; I've read many, many, many other fics and since they can do it, why can't I put in any damn effort to make something, too, right? 

...It suddenly hit me that that last line sounded like the plea of a very sad, attention-starved teenager. Interesting; not the plea of a child seeking attention, as though she doesn't understand the world and only wants the attentions of her parents simply because they're her parents. More like someone on the verge of maturity, that understands considerably more and now, unfortunately, knows the painstaking hardships of responsiblity and expectations. 

I am a bit of a delinquent, you see. One that has a decent vocabulary, but a delinquent nontheless. Then again, I guess it depends on your exact definition of a delinquent. I have come to terms with this on many occasions, and realised that I often perform certain actions based on the simple fact that I am some sort of an outcast, delinquent; people occasionally expect this sort of behaviour of me, so who am I to deprave them of their sought-after expectations, right?

Like I give a crap. I could care less sometimes that people want me to act rebelliously, if only to appease their desires of seeing me fail in life. Well, I have news for them. I make no intention of being a high school wash-out. Although, I will admit I certainly don't try my hardest. 

My simple mentality is that I don't want anyone to expect anything from me, because I sincerely don't want to disappoint them. The people that expect good things from me are friends, family, teachers and the like. I don't want them to expect something and then have to go through the tough stage of being let down. 

It's not that I don't want to make them happy, but I suppose that anyone can attest to the fact that life doesn't always go the way you want.

I can try to make them proud of me, and I most certainly will, but I don't want them to expect it if everything doesn't go as planned and then be upset.

Then again, I try to remember that people have negative and positive expectations of you. Hmm...

It might be only a minor issue to some, this whole concept of 'disappointment', but I've seen what it can do to people. 

Some shrug it off and say, 'don't worry about other people, let them think what they want.' Sometimes this is true; sometimes it's not.
 
I don't worry about what the a-holes hope is going to happen to me in the future; it's my family, people close to me, that I care about. 

This entire discussion is probably stupid. I don't care, cuz I wanna talk about it and this place is dubbed my journal for a reason.

...I have an uncle Don. He went to school, college, had a great childhood, being the eldest of five (my mother, other uncle, and two aunts), his father was a policeman, had a big house, they grew up well-off, the works. But he had a penchant for bad company. 

I guess there's a reason all those old sayings are so popular and are hung up on colourful, shiny posters in school classrooms. 'Surround yourself with who you want to be.' 

I don't know if he ever knew that saying. If he did, he prolly wouldn't have gotten himself into the trouble he found himself in. Not sure.

Whatever the case, the company he found himself to know was not...commendable. 

He got mixed up in drugs, alcohol, etc...He eventually changed his entire lifestyle. Running from police; driving unlicensed cars; he even tried to break in to a house once. Although, I appreciate that he only did that once and in his most desperate time. He's not devoid of morals, you see, as he was raised in the same way as the rest of his siblings. One of his sisters is my mom- I don't need to explain that she's awesome. His other sister runs her own very successful business, one of the few bridal shops on the island (ya, there's like 5...?). She's basically a millionaire, although she does have little free time- oh well, she enjoys her work. A lot. His other sister is a banker, who apparently seems to alwaaaays have lots of free time. Or she plans her schedule well. Not sure. But she likes to shop, like no other in the family actually. And she always seems to have money to spend, or has a wide smile on her face, so I guess she's doing alright as well. 

And his brother... he's a police. It's difficult really.

Watching one brother take part in the apprehension of another is really, really...disheartening. Difficult.

I remember a particular incident where my uncle had the police chasing him because of an unlicensed car, and ran it right through my grandparent's yard.  Everybody was there, all the siblings, a few cousins, early on a quiet Sunday morning. My police uncle wasn't there, when it happened, and things were pretty rough when he wouldn't calm down. I remember some ass of a police had actually pulled a gun on him. He'd almost gotten his leg crushed when they tried to thrash him around on the ground, and his limb had gotten stuck in the crook of a car tire. Scrawny and muscular little thing he is, but as strong as a mule. I'd bet money that he could like, lift a car. Anywhoos, so he wasn't drunk (actually, he doesn't drink <.<) or high or anything, just afraid of the police.

I found it... bittersweet that he calmed down considerably when my police uncle came by. He arrested him, but with absolutely no struggle whatsoever. Like I said, bittersweet. 

And now we go back to why I even started digging these memories up: disappointment is a cruel thing. I watched my grandmother cry as we watched from the kitchen window, myself and a few of my younger cousins. I'd always, always considered her a very strong woman, and it was absolutely shocking (hell, I don't even know the word) to watch her break down into pieces like that. 

It felt like something was squeezing that pumping organ right behind your breastbone. Squeezing it, like whatever had a hold on it was a clawed animal, the talons grabbing and tearing and piercing at that young, 11 (10?) year old heart.

 It was one of the few times I hated having knowledge beyond my years, hated being one of the oldest in the bunch of us cousins and siblings. Because I understood then and there what was happening. I cried and found, not surprisingly, that I couldn't stop it. I remember that when I looked at the younger children around me: my younger brother of 9 years, younger cousin of 10, cousin of 5, childhood family friend of 6, etc, my heart sank. Young, unknowing; they didn't understand it, they didn't see. They didn't see what this disappointment brought down on the rest of family.

I bet they never would've guessed that years later, this stress, (along with others) would've hospitalised my grandmother in Miami with a serious illness. Bet nobody would've. 

Why is the world such a cruel place, that nice people that did nothing but help and show kindness would receive this kind of treatment?

I often ask, but I never wait for an answer. I don't want one.    

Anywhoos, enough of my damn angst. XD Done!

OMFGGG My best friend got expelled!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My school principal *and the rest of the teachers involved* are total and complete MUTHAFUCKIN DOUCHEBAGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They didn't need to expel him. Fucking....losers!! Errrghhhhh.....Ya know what? They suck balls!! And they can suck my balls!!! That's right, yo- SUCK MY MONKEY NUTS!!! *aherm, I AM a girl though. And human. Hmm, this poses quite a problem...lol* Anywhoo, he was the nicest guy ever to everybody and he was like 3 months away from FRICKIN GRADUATING!! He was supposed to be allowed to take his exams since he got expelled before we take them but I think the fuck-headed dip-shits at our school changed their minds about lettin him. Assholes. I was also in love with him. And he was in love with me. Now I can't see him. (Well, as often as I would like). I have two other best friends, but...he's still... gone. And not allowed to come back. Which sucks ass more than I can possibly describe through any verbal diaorrhea that I can put on paper. Or in a book. Or on a postcard. Or in an extremely viciously-worded threatening e-mail addressed to my school principal. lol. joking.

See, I'm posting this really late because actually he got suspended last Friday but we have this whole week and the following Monday off for half-term and he said they called him today and confirmed their decision on whether it was just supension or complete expulsion. Screw them. Kcuf them. Yes, it was expulsion. They're frucking retarded.

In other news, I have recently just *FINALLY* watched a pretty awsum asian thriller(?) called Out of the Dark. Well, not all of it yet. I love ShikaTema. I'm going to write a very well-thought out fanfic on the Naruto series with them as the main pair. I'm sick of seeing complete shit on FF.net, so I think I shall do my part in the garbage collection and disposal of their shit, yes, I'll contribute something of my own. This will happen someday before I die sometime in the near future. Unfortunately, being the perfectionist that I am, this will not even go through the process of draft-writing until I know the plot like the back of my hand. So, if any of you decent writers out there want to lend a helping hand, feel free-I'm open to any and all ideas!

Oh!!! Very important!!!! It's very dark right now, and ten minutes ago, I walked damn-straight into our glass sliding door in our back porch/room- headfirst!!. It hurt like a bitch!!!!!! I think I fractured or broke my nose *in two places!! cuz it's killin me like hell and I popped my lip to add to it. I also have a gash in my forehead as a sweet bonus. Huzzah. It HURTS like SHIIIIIT!!!!

Lastly, I've been up all day today and on this computer for hours straight. I'm starting to wonder why the walls and everything else I look at around the room are doing these weird swirly effex and zooming in and out and occasionally spinning. It's so cool!! LMAO

I feel like I'm on some kind of a high. (Perhaps a sugar-high?) Inuyasha is on in the background (the TV is behind this computer). This reminds me, I really like that wolf sexgod Koga. ;) This is the episode (from what I hear) when Koga's wolf-demon clan is slaughtered and he thinks it's Inuyasha that did it. I don't remember much else and I'm too preoccupied to pay any attention to find out. I like Inuyasha's character as well, along with Sesshomaru (sexy yo) & Miroku. I luv to hear Kirby Morrow's voice ^_^. Actually, I like pretty much most of the characters except for Kikyo and Kagome's rediculous antics. Oh and that annoying ass bitch Naraku. Kagura's a pretty kick-ass character too. I really like the ending theme songs to this series as well- the one that's playing is Fukai Mori by D~A~I~. (It's supposed to be bullet points in between the letters).

Speaking of J-Music, I didn't realise that Ayumi Hamasaki's music video for Jewel was one of the most expensive in the world. I was thoroughly wow-ed. I love Gackt's song Redemption and I officially LOVE MIYAVI!!!!!!. My favorite song is his Ashita Genka Ni Naare. It was the first video that I saw of him. The first time I watched it, I literally didn't even hear the music. I was too busy drooling over him. (Though it could be because the volume was really low). Then, the second time, I watched AND listened to it- at the same time!! Kewooolness!! I also really love his videos Senor Senora Senorita *or some combination of that*, Neo-Visualism and Jibun Kakumei- the colours and composition in that particular video were really cool. Of course, I can't possibly forget one other J-Rocker in my list of the 3 Best in the World *my opinion, at least* there's.......HYDE!!!!! OMGGG HYDE IS SOOOO GAWWJUZZZ!!! *fangirl scream* *SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!* I love his song Countdown and the theme song for FullMetalAlchemist Ready, Steady, Go! is total badassery too. Enough babbling for a lifetime one night, it's not like I just kept writing on and on until I couldn't stop like I'm doing right now ...*Jumbo sigh* NOW. I. Am. Done. Thank you and Good Night.

Oh, before I forget, I should come up with a nickname for my journal. So I can be like, "Good Night ..." That would be kick-ass. *lol sooo kool* I mean, I know it's already titled, "You were.....a copy". Hmm...Someday I will find an answer to this conundrem!! spelt that wrong, didn't I? Strange, I know that word...perhaps it's the swirly circles on the walls again, ne? 

...u know what really pisses me off? rite now, my thumb needs to crack. and it just won't crack. ERGGHHHH!!!! i hate that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND on top of my inability of thumb-cracking, i have a shitload of homework due tomorrow- we had today off for some staff-faith day or sumthing or other...but now, i have to do some damn art project on cubism. well ain't that just dandy. i also have to update my english exam-revision book, which i've been avoiding talking to the teacher about for...like ever since i went back to school. yea- that long. so, of course, instead of actually DOING my homework, i'm here typing away on LJ with naught but a care in the world. hehe. i love it when my bad deeds feed my rebellious side. lol- oohhh so rebellious, i don't do my homework- lol. now then, i'm off to...emm...surf the internet i guess. i'm much too unintentionally amused at the moment to do any actual work. so, ta!